Byron - Milton Keynes

What do you do when it’s the end of the month and you’ve got no money? That’s right, go out to dinner! Byron has just opened up in Milton Keynes and Mrs P was keen to show me what they were made of.

The place was bright and sparse, with bare tables and a corporately chosen basket of various sauces at the end. The staff were young and depressingly cheerful with, what a less suspicious man might suggest was, genuine enthusiasm. We took a booth on what was a relatively busy Wednesday night and while I knew that the night would bring a pricy burger, looking at the menu it wasn’t the food that caused me to comment with astonishment.

The drinks are separated into the usual suspects with beers and bourbons taking the largest part and it was here that I tried to find zen for the evening. However, hindsight is a wonderful thing and when I next return to Byron, I will not be paying five quid for a can of coke-sized lager. A tasty, London sourced, micro brewed lager - of that there can be no doubt - but seriously, it’s the drinks that will kill you here. A least Mrs P’s milkshake could double up as a pudding, and for the same price as a kilogram of pick-and-mix at the cinema, it bloody well should.

The burgers were a much better story, I went for the new B-Rex burger, while Mrs P was taken by the signature Byron Burger. We were offered them cooked medium or medium rare but when I asked for rare I was told this was not on offer due to issues experienced at other branches. For a restaurant chain that prides itself on only doing one thing, but doing it exceptionally I thought that wasn't the best.

However, check out the following:

Is that medium rare? I think not. So at this stage, I'm not sure if I should be happy or not - it's what I wanted, but not what I asked for or told I was getting! The burger was huge, fully loaded with cheese, bacon, jalapeños, onion rings, sauce and multiple heart attacks. The squashy bun was great, if a little sweet but it held together well and brought back memories of the Fat Burger Mrs P and I ate while in Canada on Honeymoon many moons ago (God help me if they open one of those in Milton Keynes). The beef was juicy and rich, clearly a great blend of fat and steaky goodness.

Mrs P opted for the medium and got what we both considered to be medium rare. The burger was good, as beefy as mine, unencumbered with many additional ingredients but still with a few superfluous extras. The description of the Byron Burger reads like a posh Big Mac even down to the 'Byron Sauce', which as I like the Dirty Burger very much, I was interested and intrigued by. Unfortunately, the special sauce didn't make much of an appearance so I can only conclude it is best left aside. A massive sweet pickled dill  is a lovely addition but because you don't get any chips, salad or flexibility then the wallet is plumbed again. 

The most cost effective option to enjoy the very thing that made Byron so popular, is to K.I.S.S.. Stick to the standard or cheese burger, share a side of fries or onion rings and leave the 'shake for afters. That, my friends, will give you a seriously good burger and still let you keep your wallet safe from the potential payday loans.

Boom-shack-o-lah.

Byron

Coal - Milton Keynes

Mrs P. and I have walked past Coal several times, thinking to ourselves:

'Mmm, that looks nice'.

The menu looked good, the decor looked good, the waitress looked.... efficient. All seemed to be positive. But, when we slid our way in for a recent date night, there was a big but. The place was full on a Wednesday with couples and groups all taking seats, we waited for a few minutes at the bar where Mrs P. spent a significant proportion of the nights bill on a 'Coal Cosmopolitan' and I had a hideously over priced bottled social beverage.

As for the food, well. We shared the starter, as is our want:

But it just didn't work. Fried chicken, fried onions, fried potato and fried dough balls sitting around some cheesy nachos. Mrs P. and I both tried our best to enjoy it but the chicken wings, despite being the best items on the board, weren't exactly generous in their portion or proportion. However, it was the dough balls that were really confusing. They tasted odd, felt odd and just were odd. Imagine Pizza Express dough balls in a deep fat fryer and you'll get the idea.

The mains that followed just compounded the problems. We went for the 'famous' fire sticks. I really can't stand it when places do that. There is nothing famous about a skewer. Beef, sausage and prawns were all cooked with all the skill of a bad kebab shop, then paraded out to us with the expected pomp and circumstance that is apparently necessary for a 'famous' skewer and placed on some veg.

Then the dauphinois potatoes were put next to it. Wait, what? Cheesy, milky potato with sausage and steak? Eh?

The place remains confused to me. It should be such a fantastic concept but in closer inspection it fails on almost every level. From the fake non-functioning fire pit in the entrance to the overcooked skewer showpieces. In order to make things consistent for customers in a chain, the corporate ethos has overtaken and over eaten the experience. Oh well, there are two other new steak houses opening in Milton Keynes soon. Perhaps they can do better.

http://coalgrillandbar.co.uk/index